On Coexistence & Abolition

& how one moves with peace

I’ve been thinking a lot about coexistence recently.

Not like in the

sense, but maybe more: how do you create harmony with people who may have hurt, disappointed, or betrayed you? How do you exist in community with people you don’t like?

I thought about this a lot during the pandemic, how many of us were marching toward liberation during the summer of 2020, and how the time felt electric, more revolutionary a time than I had ever experienced. Something felt different about how we were communicating with each other, something had palpably shifted in the radical discourse, and we were suddenly having the very difficult conversations on how to be in community, with everyone. During that time, Mariame Kaba’s work and that of primarily Black organizers, educators, writers and academics in America were at the forefront of this education and articulation; it was inspiring and propelled me into a deeper state of spiritual and political contemplation. It felt like we were collectively being liberated from something big.

Soon, I realized abolitionary movements were ones that I felt safest in because there was a concerted acknowledgment of human nature, and the very difficult realities that many of us were having to face about ourselves, whether it be our internalized anti-Blackness or our allegiance to the fake mythology of white supremacy and other systems of power... we were suddenly en masse having to face ourselves. Personally, for me, it came with a deep understanding that I wanted a better life for me and others, and that I was willing to fight for that. But I also saw in myself and others that we are all so flawed and that many of us, at times, can be contradictory to our nature or even what we stand for.

This can’t be a permanent state, obviously, as to be in a state of evolution you are constantly changing, but it’s also knowing that that growth might never be recognized by others. As an astrologer told me a long time ago, “You are the type of person that does the work even when no one is watching.” At a certain point, you have to consider all the evidence that sits in front of you and really take yourself in. You have to know who the fuck you are, good or bad. And maybe that’s some of the most profound healing work you can do, just to know who you are and not exist in the shadows of self anymore.